tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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