i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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