I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
