so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
