my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
