found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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