If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
