I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
