I have demons in me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
