After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
