omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
