my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
