U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
