It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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