nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
