I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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