Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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