What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
