Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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