Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
