SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
