Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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