I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
