So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
