he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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