I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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