god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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