awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
