i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
