bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
