This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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