This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
