Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
