he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
