That's intense
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
