oh god the rape fog is back!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
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Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You don't make any sense
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