Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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