What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she told me i tasted like america
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
