names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
