i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
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He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize