Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
