My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
