I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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