Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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