I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
