Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
