They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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