we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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