i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
