so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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