I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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