Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
