ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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