I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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