Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
