I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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