im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
