Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
