DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
