Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
