I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
