It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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