Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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