The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
