guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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