oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
