It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
