I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
