I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I need moral support for this bender
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
