Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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