he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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