Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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