I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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