TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
