Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize