We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
