Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
